Love is Just another Kind of Lie
by Breathless02
Summary: 'What am I fighting for' - Read the devastating story of the hero Allen Walker who walked this earth fighting to find the place where he belonged.


**This is my first DGM story ever. But right now I'm addicted to the series and manga, so I thought of given it a shot starting with a One-Shot. This is kinda sad...you have been warned. **

**Please enjoy and if you liked it, please leave a review =) Thank you~!**

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><p><span>Allen's POV!<span>

''What am I fighting for?''

I always asked myself this one little question. Five words, 18 letters…and the reason? I do not know…

Sometimes I feel like this is all just one big frightful nightmare and soon, eventually…I am going to wake up. But this nightmare has already been going on for 15 years and nothing has changed.

Since birth I had to fight to survive. I had to keep trying so hard to not be left behind again by one of them. First it had been my mother who left me in this cursed world without ever meeting me. She died…because she wanted to give me a chance at seeing this world that she cherished so much. And then came my biological father, who despised me and shunned me, because I was chosen by someone higher than me to take part in a battle that would decide the fate of this world. But fate itself cursed me with a deformed arm and a power I did not know of. Soon enough…after five years of constant insults and abuse, he had had enough of me. My own father threw me away and left me behind on a cold winter's day. And as I was facing death head front…he found me. Mana. The person who will forever be my most beloved. He gave me a home, he fed and clothed me. But I could have gone without these things that proved to bring only short-lived happiness. No, what made me have faith in this world was the love that he was willing to bestow upon me. He cared for me and taught me how wonderful the warmth of another's touch could feel. He cherished me and appreciated me being with him. Mana was the only one who was grateful that I was even born. He wasn't afraid of me being different from normal children and he would always tell me how special I was. No, he didn't listen to all those people who went on berating him for loving a demon-child. He…wanted to be with me. And for the first time in my life, I started to see the world as something beautiful for Mana was a part of it.

But again…I felt like I didn't deserve to be happy and loved by anyone. He died. Mana died protecting me. I don't know how I could ever relent for this sin of mine, for taking the life of a true angel clad in human skin. As I kneeled by his grave, I wondered if all the people had been right. That I am a demon-child…a monster who only brought misfortune and death wherever he went.

And as the tears were streaming down my face in endless rivers, I was offered a chance to reverse my mistakes and bring back my father, for that he truly was. Yet again…even as my heart soared at being given an opportunity to do a good deed and bring back an angel to this damned world…I committed my greatest sin. I turned the one person who actually showed me kindness into a soulless monster. He had come back to life, but not in the same form he had parted with me. No, before me stood a frightening demon who was ready to kill innocent humans. And again…for the third time in my life…I killed the person who would let me feel human, who let me feel loved. I was now truly cursed and my father made sure that I would never forget that fact. Despite me being a murderer, Mana, the demon, told me he loved me with his last shuttering breath. How could he still love me? He died because of me, so how can he still say these three words with so much honesty and affection?

''Keep walking…''

He had always told me to love the life I had been given, to not give up whatever destiny had laid out for me. I had to move forward…I promised. But that didn't stop me from starting to hate myself. I came to see the cursed pentacle on my forehead as a symbol of my sins. The sins I had to relent for.

I had been a mere child of seven years back then…but I knew that I didn't deserve to be a human being. I often wondered why my mother had decided to give birth to me, for all I did for this world…was killing people who accepted me for who I was. Everyone who got close to me was eventually cursed alongside me.

Finally a red-haired man, Marian Cross, became my master. He found me barely alive lying on the grave of my father and offered my guidance. I told him that he would die if I went with him, but he only laughed. He was strong and full of secrecy and I came to appreciate his presence. He wasn't like Mana, no quite the opposite. He made my life a living hell by forcing me to pay back all his debts, collect money and putting up with his constant cocky attitude. But honestly, I was grateful for that, because I grew up to be independent. My master made sure that the line between him and me was clearly seen. He never let me get too close. And I wondered if he had also experienced the feeling of being left behind. Even though our relationship was barely existent…I came to make room in my bruised heart for him. Somewhere along the way…I started to see him as the guardian who would protect me from any harm. I often wondered if he felt the same way. I never got to know…

Soon enough I found myself again being left behind by the person who had saved me from my solitude. But he didn't abandon me…he brought me to a place I later on thought of as something close to a home.

Since then…my life changed. I met a lot of people there who were somehow like me. They, too, were carrying the heavy burden of being chosen ones. Each one of them was special in their own way and I wasn't one to judge.

I met this girl with flowing, beautiful hair who approached me with a cheerful, kind smile. She would always be there, when someone needed a friend to listen to their stories. And I met this boy with long, blue hair that always wore a scowl on his sullen face. He often called me names and we were constantly bickering…but it was alright! He…gave me attention and showed his acceptance of me in his own ways. And then I met another red-haired boy, who was always so playful and ready to cheer anyone up. Unconsciously, they became important to me and I experienced the gift of a friend for the first time in my now 15 years old life.

All the people I met in the castle called ''Black Order'' had their own history, their own weight hanging of their shoulders. Somehow these people had reached out to me and had each grabbed my hands. They had pulled me out of my self-disgust and pity and brought me back on the road I swore to keep walking on. We belonged together, one fighting for the other. That was what we were brought up to become: fighters for the sole reason of protecting this world and all its people.

Even though we were all mere children, we were treated like equal adults, for a war didn't have a place for childish actions. Since the beginning…I never was a kid. I was forced to grow up and stay alive through all the evil glances directed at me, to never lose my way. I wasn't allowed to. Along my way I had made promises…and I couldn't rest until the last one of them has been kept.

So here I stand on the battlefield, fighting against the darkness in people's hearts. I could see the demon's souls, I could see their suffering. It was my curse I had to bear all alone. But this grief was a burden I had decided to bear. When I looked into the smeared eyes of the monsters I would soon free from their prisons…I almost felt….deliberated. I was doing the right thing….or was I?

I came to face demons in human skin with human emotions. They called themselves the ''Noahs'', but can someone be human who kills other's out of sick pleasure? They looked human, they were warm to the touch…but inside…they were rotten. I knew that…but that didn't help the fact that the thought of killing another human brought hot tears to my eyes.

Eventually I had to see them kill other people who I had learned to care for…one after the other and again I grieved for having felt pity towards the black-skinned people. I could have prevented so many deaths…but I had been a coward back then. My friends didn't blame me…they said that they can understand me…but could they really? They didn't see what I can see…no one can…why was I always the different one? And again…I felt so left out…so out of place.

And now…I stand here again on the battlefield…fighting this useless battle of life and death. Will it ever have an end? Will I be ever freed from this burden that has chained me to the path other people have laid out before me?

I want to create my own path while I walk. I want to be anything, but this monster they labeled my as.

The higher-ups tried me for treason. They decided to label me a traitor and take my innocence away from me.

My innocence…had always been the only thing that protected me. I didn't hate it, although it was the reason for the hate I earned from all these people. I didn't blame it though…it chose to stay by my side and I couldn't abandon it. I would never leave it behind. My innocence is a part of me, like my arm and my own heart. I couldn't go on living without it.

Just when the higher-ups started to extract my innocence from me…my home got attacked.

I heard them scream and plead and beg to be spared from death…but I was the only one who listened to their calls. No matter what they did to me and what they were about to do to me…I couldn't let them be killed right before my eyes. My friends were also there, fighting alongside me like they have always been doing before.

In the end…I defeated the demons and saved their lives. But they weren't thankful; no they were scared of me. With big, fearful eyes, they tried again to take my partner away from me. I looked at my friends, pleaded them to help me…but they…just kept watching. Tears were streaming down their faces as they fell to their knees.

Why…wouldn't they help me?

That was the time that I finally understood. I understood that all of their laughter and smiles had been…pretended deceit.

It hurts…it hurts so much…

The pain is overwhelming me, taking my last coherent thoughts with it in one drowning wave.

How could it have come to this? What…had happened?

I try to remember when I had lost my path and started to stagger away from the light. Honestly…I do not know. So much has changed since I have learned of my destiny; so much has turned from a mere dream into a vivid nightmare. But I do not regret everything.

I do not regret ever meeting them, meeting you. How could I? When all I have been fighting for had been for all of your sakes.

All that matters now is that I could protect you. That my death can bring peace to the world and set this raging war to a halt.

Mana.

You have been the first person to ever approach me with kindness and tenderness. I wish…I could have told you…that I loved you once again.

But here, right here, I know that I am dying. I feel my consciousness slip like sand right through my fingers. My eyes have long closed, leaving me abandoned in the world of darkness once more.

But it's alright. I do not feel afraid anymore, for I know that with my death I can finally be useful. I just wish I could have vanished from this world with a smile on my face. A real smile, not one of those fake grimaces that I had forced upon me.

But the pain stung…ever aching and throbbing, dooming me to remember my uselessness even in death. I can bleed…like a human does, so why aren't I one? I see your tears…the pain in your eyes…but you don't say anything. What…have I meant to you…to any of you?

But again…it's alright. Soon everything is going to be just fine.

Even without me around…I know that I will be forgiven. Eventually…

You are all going to just fine.

I finally understood…I have been living a life, in which love is just another kind of lie.

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><p><strong>THE END!<strong>

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><p>:'( poor Allen<p> 


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